guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
