if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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