Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
