Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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