I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
