I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
