She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
