I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found your dick twin last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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