Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
