So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
