But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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