I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
