I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
