Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
