I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
