I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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