Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
