I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
