we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
