the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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