good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
