I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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