We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
