i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
