Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
