you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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