last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
