sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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