quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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