i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
