my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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