she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
