i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Michael Bay diarrhea
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
