plz talk dirty to me
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
