Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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