ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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