ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
