Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
