I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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