Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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