Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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