Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
