I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
