i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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