why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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