You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
