I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
