some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
