if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am naked and annoyed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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