i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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